Todd (age 17): “Hey Dad, can I use the car Saturday night? I’d like to take Lisa to the dance at school.”
Dad: “No” (without looking up from the newspaper crossword puzzle)
Todd: “How come!?” (hands defiantly on hips)
Dad: “Cause it’s not necessary” (still hiding behind the newspaper)
Todd now slinks away, stage left, looking to Mom for sympathy but only receiving a shrug of the shoulders and pursed lips, giving me the impression she would have said “yes” if I had asked her first.
I lived to survive this conversation many times during my high school days. I had an active social life and wanted to go out every weekend but somehow my Dad just did not see it the same way. “Not necessary” was always his go to, stop the discussion, settle the issue statement. Not once did my courtroom-like presentation of reasons change his verdict. I would sulk off to my room mad, but did not stay mad long. I couldn’t. I loved and respected my Dad way too deeply to let my disappointment be the catalyst for more consequential teenage rebellion against his authority.
Craig, on the other hand adopted a different strategy when he received the, “No, not necessary” answer to his dating transportation inquiries. The setting was 1966, the year he was to make Preston High School his alma mater. He had his sights set on taking his favorite gal to the Miss Franklin County Pageant being held at the PHS auditorium. He was not about to take “no” for an answer and hatched a sinister nefarious plan far beyond anything I would ever have dared to attempt.
Cars usually come with a spare set of keys, right? Well, Craig knew where the spare set was located and simply snatched them up at the appointed time and date and out the door he sauntered. Thinking ahead, he parked not at the high school where the car would easily be found by searching parents, but a half block away behind the corner church house.
Let’s jump ahead to the climax. Pageant is over, the crowd is dispersing and young tall skinny Craig, with his pretty date on his arm, proceeded to walk to the hidden spot of his stolen chariot. SURPRISE!! Dad was more clever. Craig did not have in his possession the original set of keys. My parents simply got in the farm truck and went on a reconnaissance mission patrolling the streets and neighborhoods surrounding the school to eventually find the family sedan. I would have loved to be a fly on the dashboard as one of them drove the car home followed by the other in the truck leaving the love struck couple stranded. His date did not live close by in town and as the story was told to me, they had to bum a ride from friends to deliver her home.
The ensuing punishments and consequences to my big brother are unknown to me and I can’t coax them from him now but I won’t and can’t pass up the chance to tease him in the brotherly love way that is part of our relationship. Maybe he feels like knowledge of that is “Not necessary”?!
Dad’s simple method of parenting worked on me. I tried to imitate his technique, but was not so successful. Times are different, children are different and parents have to be creative in choosing how to handle each personality. Regardless, “Not necessary” is just one of those dozens of “coins from my father’s pockets” that while not always reproducible and reliable for my days as a parent of teenagers, it holds value to me. Thanks Dad for the guidance and restraint…Thanks Craig for the laughs…. JOB WELL DONE!!